My wife has raped me!

Daily News; Sunday,September 16, 2007 @00:04

An NGO comprising a group of ladies has revealed that nearly half of housewives are actually habitually being raped by their husbands in Bongo. Watching how married couples treat each, especially how husbands treat their spouses, I can easily believe that. It is in many of our cultures for men to actually think they own their wives.

If you observe a couple in a car queue going back after work you can tell that someone is going to be raped that night. The husband will dump his wife at home for her to cook for the family. He will go off to meet his drinking buddies. She will cook, give attention to the kids and then Mzee comes back, eats while grunting like a horny wildebeest and rapes her later. No style at all! No respect!

You just wonder why wives take such crap. Is it the money? I know that many wives think that men are in fact walking wallets. They brand us as ATMs, human ATMs.

Cheeky women! Call me an ATM? Yaani, just tell me to go and get some dosh for her and I run of to the nearest ATM, just like that! Her wish is your command.

Maybe that is why wives take such abuse because of the money. I tell you wives would take that crap and tolerate that to be seen in an air-conditioned Rav-4. My lawyer buddy tells me for rape to occur, there has to be the use of force. Yaani, rape is when consent goes walk-about. Is this just a macho thing? But can men get raped?

You at home, quietly enjoying a good read in bed and your wifey comes in, jumps out of her clothes. “Darling I must have some of it now. I am so-o-o-o tense.” “No darling, not today. I have been having this seminar, kongamano, warsha and things. I am mega-knackered. I have also to go and meet…” “You not going anywhere, I say! The next thing you will say is that you have a headache.” She locks the bedroom door and you see that she has been built like Mike Tyson’s sister. What do you do? Go to police?

“Er officer, I have come to report a serious crime.” The officer pulls out a piece of paper and takes ten minutes to find a pen, Normal for Bongo cops. “Okay what crime are you reporting.”
“Rape, officer. I have been raped..” “Ehe, which group of thugs raped you. Did you pinch someone’s wife, or something?”

“No officer, I have been raped by my wife.”