Mlevi

Walevi walikuwa wanasikiliza taarifa ya habari kuhusu mambo ua uzazi nchini China; Msomaji wa habari alikuwa anaelezea kama ifuatavyo: Uko Uchina kila dakika moja kunazaliwa mtoto...!

Mlevi: he!he!he! ndio ujuwe hao watu wameendelea na ndo kuna wanaume na wanawake wa shoka huko, sio wanawake wetu hapa wanabeba mimba kila miezi tisa ndo mana tupo nyuma...!
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Wakazi wa dunia ni mbwa wabwekao
na
wanyama wa mwitu wangurumi-a-nao.
Wenye nguvu huwala walio dhaifu,
Wakubwa huwagandamiza wadogo.
Ni kama mifugo, wengine wamefungwa
na
wengine hawakufungwa.

My wife has raped me!

Daily News; Sunday,September 16, 2007 @00:04

An NGO comprising a group of ladies has revealed that nearly half of housewives are actually habitually being raped by their husbands in Bongo. Watching how married couples treat each, especially how husbands treat their spouses, I can easily believe that. It is in many of our cultures for men to actually think they own their wives.

If you observe a couple in a car queue going back after work you can tell that someone is going to be raped that night. The husband will dump his wife at home for her to cook for the family. He will go off to meet his drinking buddies. She will cook, give attention to the kids and then Mzee comes back, eats while grunting like a horny wildebeest and rapes her later. No style at all! No respect!

You just wonder why wives take such crap. Is it the money? I know that many wives think that men are in fact walking wallets. They brand us as ATMs, human ATMs.

Cheeky women! Call me an ATM? Yaani, just tell me to go and get some dosh for her and I run of to the nearest ATM, just like that! Her wish is your command.

Maybe that is why wives take such abuse because of the money. I tell you wives would take that crap and tolerate that to be seen in an air-conditioned Rav-4. My lawyer buddy tells me for rape to occur, there has to be the use of force. Yaani, rape is when consent goes walk-about. Is this just a macho thing? But can men get raped?

You at home, quietly enjoying a good read in bed and your wifey comes in, jumps out of her clothes. “Darling I must have some of it now. I am so-o-o-o tense.” “No darling, not today. I have been having this seminar, kongamano, warsha and things. I am mega-knackered. I have also to go and meet…” “You not going anywhere, I say! The next thing you will say is that you have a headache.” She locks the bedroom door and you see that she has been built like Mike Tyson’s sister. What do you do? Go to police?

“Er officer, I have come to report a serious crime.” The officer pulls out a piece of paper and takes ten minutes to find a pen, Normal for Bongo cops. “Okay what crime are you reporting.”
“Rape, officer. I have been raped..” “Ehe, which group of thugs raped you. Did you pinch someone’s wife, or something?”

“No officer, I have been raped by my wife.”

Supu ya samaki jamani inatuambukiza ukimwi

Na Joseph Mwendapole, Ukerewe


Wakazi wa Wilaya ya Ukerewe mkoani Mwanza, wametoa mpya pale walipomweleza Waziri Mkuu Bw. Edward Lowassa, kuwa ulaji wa samaki pamoja na kunywa supu yake ndicho chanzo cha kuenea kwa Ukimwi kwa kasi visiwani hapo.

Wananchi hao wanaeleza kuwa unywaji wa supu ya samaki zinazopatikana kwa wingi wilayani hapo unachochea watu kuhamasika na kupenda ngono kwa kiwango kikubwa.

Hayo yalijitokeza wakati wa mkutano wa hadhara katika Shule ya Sekondari ya Pius Msekwa, mara baada ya Bw. Lowassa kuhoji sababu za kuenea kwa kasi kwa ugonjwa huo.

Alipouliza swali hilo, watu wengi waliohudhuria mkutano huo walilipuka kwa sauti kubwa kuwa ``ni supu ya samakiii.``
Bw. Lowassa aliwaonya kuwa maambukizi katika visiwa vya Ukerewe ni makubwa yamefikia asilimia 20 tofauti na wastani wa taifa ambao ni asilimia saba.

``Nilipokwenda Makete ambako nako Ukimwi umepamba moto niliwauliza kwanini Ukimwi umesambaa sana wakaniambia kuwa ni sababu ya baridi sasa hapa ninyi ni sababu gani?,`` alihoji.

Bila wasiwasi wananchi waliokuwa wakimsikiliza waliitikia kuwa chanzo ni sababu ya supu ya samaki inayopatikana kwa wingi kisiwani humo.

Hata hivyo, Waziri Mkuu aliwaasa kuacha visingizio kama hivyo na pia waachane na kuendekeza ngono zembe alizosema zinahatarisha maisha yao.

``Wananchi msifanye mzaha na suala hili kwa kuwa tusipofanya jitihada za makusudi kuachana na ngono zembe tutamalizika,`` aliwaasa.

Aidha, alisema serikali inathamini maisha ya wananchi na kila mwaka inatenga fedha nyingi kwa ajili ya kuhamasisha wananchi kuepukana na janga hilo.

Bw. Lowassa alisema hakuna mwananchi asiyejua madhara ya Ukimwi kwa kuwa karibu kila jamii imeguswa kwa namna moja ama nyingine na madhara haya.

Aliwauliza: ``Hapa nani anaweza kuniambia hajui Ukimwi unaambukizwaje?

Au hajui maana ya Ukimwi.`` Hata hivyo, hakuna aliyejitokeza hali iliyoashiria kuwa wengi wanaufahamu.

Aliwataka viongozi kuendeleza jitihada za kuwakumbusha
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Hili Ndio Jeshi Letu

Unapoenda sehemu yoyote labda kwa uzuri na ubaya na ukifanikiwa kutoka eneo hilo ukiwa salama basi unashukuru sana , lakini hautakiwi uache mambo yale nyuma , kama mambo hayo ni zawadi kwa binadamu wengine hakuna budi kuyahadithia kwa watu wengine ili wapate kujifunza mengi ya dunia na hata serikali husika ipate muda wa kuweza kujua jinsi baadhi ya watendaji walivyo .

Nami nilipata changamoto nyingi kujifunza hapo mahabusu kutoka kwa wale wengine waliomo mule ndani na kutoka kwa polisi wengine hadithi walizokuwa wanapigiana na mikasa mingine mbali mbali .

Kuna jamaa mmoja aliletwa kule ndani kwa kosa la wizi wa simu pale stendi ya mabasi mwenge , huyu kijana aliiba simu na kumrushia mwenzake ambaye alikimbia na hiyo simu watu wakaanza kumpiga lakini vibaka wenzake walikuja kumuokoa na kumpeleka polisi ambako ndio alikuwa salama .

Asubuhi hiyo jamaa mmoja ambaye inasemekana ndio mkuu wa kituo cha mwenge bosi wa wale vibaka alikuja kumtolea dhamana atoke , kabla ya yote hayo , yule kibaka akaomba dawa yaani madawa ya kulevya , polisi mmoja akamwambia asubiri kidogo .

Ghafla polisi akaja na unga sikujua ule unga ni aina gani , lakini akampa yule kibaka atumie , kibaka hakuridhika akaomba tena aletewe bangi na moto ili achanganye hizo dawa za kulevya na ile bangi yake .

Kweli polisi yule alienda officini kwake na kumpa mambo yote hayo ndio kijana yule akaanza kuwa na nguvu na kuanza kuwa na furaha kufanya na kuongea mambo yake .

Jiulize madawa ya kulevya yanafanya nini kituo cha polisi , bangi zinafanya nini kituo cha polisi ? inawezekana kuna watu wengine wanakuja pale wanawekewa mifukoni ili baadaye watolewe pesa kwa urahisi zaidi .

HII NDIO NCHI YETU BWANA , YAANI WALE WATU TUNAOWATEGEMEA WAWE WATIIFU NA WAADILIFU KULIKO WOTE NDIO WAKO TOFAUTI KULIKO WENGINE NA NDIO WANAONGOZA KATIKA MAMBO MENGINE YASIYOPENDEZA KWA JAMII

HILI NDIO JESHI LETU

Ukisusa wenzio wanakula

She came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. The wife was VERY upset! "You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me - a faithful wife, the mother of your children? I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!" And he replied"Hang on just a minute luv, so at least I can tell you what happened" "Fine, go ahead", she sobbed, "but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"

And he began "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up I suggested a shower and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair like them."He took a quick breath and continued: "She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said ....'"Please.... ....do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'

Miaka 15 Ijayo; Usishangae ............

Hivi umeshawahi kukaa na kufikiri miaka michache ijayo mambo yatakuwaje? Hebu kwa mfano mwaka 2022 twaweza shuhudia yafuatayo hapa Tanzania.

1. Wakati huo dawa ya ukimwi ishapatikana, mtu unaenda ofisini baada ya kutokuwepo kwa takriban majuma mawili. Bila shida unaongea na bosi wako huku ukimueleza..."Bosi, yaani ka-ukimwi kalinitandika vibaya sana last week" halafu sijui kwa nini mimi kananiandama hivyo.................

2. Bungeni napo tunakuwa na waheshimiwa kama Mr Ebo,Kingwendu, Bambo na wafananao na hao. Unasikia spika akisema....Mheshimiwa Bambo swali la nyongeza. Bambo, "Mheshimiwa spiko pamoja na majibu mazuri ya waziri wa michezo na utamaduni naomba kuulizi swali hivi kwa nini siku ya fiesto isiwe sherehe ya kitaifo ambapo raiso atato mapumziko nchi nzimooo???

3. Uswahilini nako kama Manzese kutakuwa na maghorofa ya kutisha...Majungu ya akina mama wa apartment zilizo jirani yatakuwa...Hause girl wangu siku hizi hapiki bila kutizama DSTV ili kuona wenzake wa Afrika Kusini wanavyotengeneza masalo. Wewe wako bado anatizama kipindi ya mapishi ya ITV na Clouds TV???? Tv ya Clouds wakati huo kama CNN

4. Nako maofisini itakuwa utata mtupu, haitokuwa jambo la ajabu kuongea na bosi wa kiume huku hereni zinamning'inia masikioni. Na si ajabu akipata taarifa ya ghafla kuwa kampuni yake imepata hasara suruali ikamdondoka manake uvaaji ni ule wa bila mkanda huku ikiwa imeegeshwa chini ya ******(kata-K)"au nusu mlingoti"

5. Ukipita Sinza ndo utatoa macho...watoto wa chekechea wamajipanga kwenye ATM mashines kuchukua pesa ya kununulia lambalamba shuleni kwao. Yaani itakuwa mtafaruku mtupu...Mara mtoto mmoja anamwambia mtoto mwenzie, baba kanidipositia cheki feki, imebaunsi hivyo leo ice cream nitachukua kwa overdraft.
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Source: Jambo Forums

Kakobe Kujengewa Hekalu La Bilioni 1.4!

Wana JF hii nimeipata kupitia Blog ya Abdallah Mrisho .
Source:Gazeti la Amani


Kiasi cha shilingi bilioni 1.4 kinatarajiwa kutumika katika ujenzi wa nyumba ya kifahari (hekalu) ya Askofu Mkuu wa Kanisa la Full Gospel Bible Fellowship (F.G.B.F), Zacharia Kakobe, kufuatia michango iliyotolewa na waumini wake, Amani limeelezwa.

Kwa mujibu wa chanzo chetu cha kuaminika, uchangishaji huo kwa ajili ya zoezi hilo umekuja kufuatia ombi la kiongozi huyo kutaka waumini wamnunulie gari kutokana na lile alilokuwa akitumia kuchakaa.

Ilielezwa kuwa, kufuatia ombi la Kakobe, waumini hao wakishirikiana na wafanyabiashara mbalimbali waliowahi kufanyiwa miujiza ya kiroho na kiongozi huyo waliamua kuchanga fedha kwa ajili ya kufanikisha zoezi hilo.

Aidha chanzo hicho kimezidi kufafanua kuwa, waumini hao licha ya ombi la kiongozi wao kutaka anunuliwe gari pia waliona ni vema kumjengea nyumba ambayo itaendana na hadhi aliyonayo.
"Licha ya yeye kuomba kusaidiwa kununuliwa gari, waumini pamoja na wafanyabiashara mbalimbali wa Dar es Salaam na mikoani waliahidi kuchangia kwa ajili ya kumjengea nyumba ya heshima kufuatia ile ya Kijitonyama, Dar es Salaam, kutokuwa na hadhi," kilidai chanzo hicho.

Chanzo hicho cha habari kilizidi kueleza kuwa, waumini hao wamedhamiria pia kuwanunuliwa magari watoto wa kiongozi huyo kwa ajili ya kutembelea.

Habari zinadai kuwa, katika kufanikisha zoezi hilo, maaskofu wa mikoa mbalimbali nchini walikutana mkoani Dodoma mwanzoni mwa wiki iliyopita kufanya tathmini ya michango hiyo ambapo ilibainika kuwa kiasi cha shilingi bilioni 1.4 kilikuwa kimeshakusanywa.

Wakizungumza na Amani kwa masharti ya hifadhi ya majina yao, baadhi ya maskofu hao wamethibitisha kufanyika kwa michango hiyo na kueleza kuwa, lengo hasa ni kuhakikisha kiongozi wao anakuwa na maisha mazuri.

"Tuliguswa sana pale makazi ya kiongozi wetu yalipooneshwa kwenye televisheni moja na kuona kwamba anaishi kwenye nyumba isiyorandana na heshima aliyonayo katika jamii.

"Ukichukulia kwamba, viongozi wanaweza kumtembelea nyumbani kwake ikawa aibu, ndio maana tumeamua kuendesha zoezi hilo," alisema mmoja wa maaskofu hao.

Amani lilifanya jitihada za kumtafuta Askofu Kakobe ili kuzungumzia zoezi hilo lakini hakuweza kupatikana mara moja. Hata hivyo, wakati kiongozi huyo akichangiwa fedha hizo kwa ajili ya ujenzi wa nyumba hiyo uchunguzi umebaini kuwa, baadhi yao hawana hali nzuri sana ya kimaisha.

Licha ya waumini hao kuwa katika hali hiyo, mapenzi ya dhati kwa kiongozi wao ndiyo yaliyowasukuma kutoa michango yao bila kulazimshwa. Kanisa F.G.B.F ni moja kati ya makanisa makubwa ya kiroho nchini Tanzania.

Kweli waungwana Iman itakuwepo kweli? maana "hata kama hatujui Kusoma Hata kuangalia Picha basi"
Source - Abdallah Mrisho

Kakobe Kujengewa Hekalu La Bilioni 1.4!

Wana JF hii nimeipata kupitia Blog ya Abdallah Mrisho .
Source:Gazeti la Amani


Kiasi cha shilingi bilioni 1.4 kinatarajiwa kutumika katika ujenzi wa nyumba ya kifahari (hekalu) ya Askofu Mkuu wa Kanisa la Full Gospel Bible Fellowship (F.G.B.F), Zacharia Kakobe, kufuatia michango iliyotolewa na waumini wake, Amani limeelezwa.

Kwa mujibu wa chanzo chetu cha kuaminika, uchangishaji huo kwa ajili ya zoezi hilo umekuja kufuatia ombi la kiongozi huyo kutaka waumini wamnunulie gari kutokana na lile alilokuwa akitumia kuchakaa.

Ilielezwa kuwa, kufuatia ombi la Kakobe, waumini hao wakishirikiana na wafanyabiashara mbalimbali waliowahi kufanyiwa miujiza ya kiroho na kiongozi huyo waliamua kuchanga fedha kwa ajili ya kufanikisha zoezi hilo.

Aidha chanzo hicho kimezidi kufafanua kuwa, waumini hao licha ya ombi la kiongozi wao kutaka anunuliwe gari pia waliona ni vema kumjengea nyumba ambayo itaendana na hadhi aliyonayo.
"Licha ya yeye kuomba kusaidiwa kununuliwa gari, waumini pamoja na wafanyabiashara mbalimbali wa Dar es Salaam na mikoani waliahidi kuchangia kwa ajili ya kumjengea nyumba ya heshima kufuatia ile ya Kijitonyama, Dar es Salaam, kutokuwa na hadhi," kilidai chanzo hicho.

Chanzo hicho cha habari kilizidi kueleza kuwa, waumini hao wamedhamiria pia kuwanunuliwa magari watoto wa kiongozi huyo kwa ajili ya kutembelea.

Habari zinadai kuwa, katika kufanikisha zoezi hilo, maaskofu wa mikoa mbalimbali nchini walikutana mkoani Dodoma mwanzoni mwa wiki iliyopita kufanya tathmini ya michango hiyo ambapo ilibainika kuwa kiasi cha shilingi bilioni 1.4 kilikuwa kimeshakusanywa.

Wakizungumza na Amani kwa masharti ya hifadhi ya majina yao, baadhi ya maskofu hao wamethibitisha kufanyika kwa michango hiyo na kueleza kuwa, lengo hasa ni kuhakikisha kiongozi wao anakuwa na maisha mazuri.

"Tuliguswa sana pale makazi ya kiongozi wetu yalipooneshwa kwenye televisheni moja na kuona kwamba anaishi kwenye nyumba isiyorandana na heshima aliyonayo katika jamii.

"Ukichukulia kwamba, viongozi wanaweza kumtembelea nyumbani kwake ikawa aibu, ndio maana tumeamua kuendesha zoezi hilo," alisema mmoja wa maaskofu hao.

Amani lilifanya jitihada za kumtafuta Askofu Kakobe ili kuzungumzia zoezi hilo lakini hakuweza kupatikana mara moja. Hata hivyo, wakati kiongozi huyo akichangiwa fedha hizo kwa ajili ya ujenzi wa nyumba hiyo uchunguzi umebaini kuwa, baadhi yao hawana hali nzuri sana ya kimaisha.

Licha ya waumini hao kuwa katika hali hiyo, mapenzi ya dhati kwa kiongozi wao ndiyo yaliyowasukuma kutoa michango yao bila kulazimshwa. Kanisa F.G.B.F ni moja kati ya makanisa makubwa ya kiroho nchini Tanzania.

Kweli waungwana Iman itakuwepo kweli? maana "hata kama hatujui Kusoma Hata kuangalia Picha basi"

Je, waupenda wimbo huu na fasihi yake??